My whole life since I was a little girl, I thought I knew what I wanted with someone I was going to marry. When I was little it was someone goofy, a good job and could provide for the family, the simple things. Moving forward into high school it was the same thing but more than that, someone who shared my interest and I could be myself around. As I started college and years after college, I still wanted these things but I learned it is more than just these things to check off my list.
I had to learn what I wanted and most importantly what I deserve along the way of dating. I learned it is more than just someone that is goofy, I can be myself around, can provide and has a good job. It is about their goals and values they set forth for their life, how their character fits with mine, how they treat others and most importantly how they treat me. I also knew this stuff was important but I never did until I went through terrible relationships, frustrating dating and let men treat me less than I deserved.
I finally am learning through my twenties what I deserved and I am also learning what woman also deserve.
You deserve someone to your standards.
Yes, YOUR standards, not your parents or friends, yours. I know that hard to think about and actually follow your own standards and not just settle for the feelings you have for a certain someone. For the longest time, I lowered my standards of what I wanted because of the feelings I had for a guy, I put so much effort into what we could be instead of realizing what he was offering me, which was unhappiness. I kept thinking maybe something will change but in reality it just never did and through the good times I allowed myself to believe it would stay but it never did, he just didn’t have the ability to do. Instead of seeing what I wanted, following my standards I believe things would change and it just never happened.
You deserve trust.
You deserve someone that every day you can trust them with your life, secrets and trust them to not lie or betray you. Trust is a huge thing for people but so many people have ruined the trust in relationships and some of us still stay after the trust is gone, because we believe it can change. You do not need that; don’t stay, find someone you can trust and someone that trust you. In today’s society trust is a huge quality, don’t give that up.
You deserve some that smiles at you with love and laughs are all your dorky qualities.
You know that look and smile you give when you care or love someone? You deserve that same look back. We each also have our own goofiness, crazy dorky things we do that make us our own person, you deserve someone that loves those little things, recognizes them and does not want to change that about you.
As an independent woman, I struggle daily with the thought of needing a guy and what I deserve. I don’t need your money, I can provide for myself. But what all women deserve is your loyalty, to recognize when we need a pick me up and some that challenges us daily to be a better person. Providing for you doesn’t always mean money or wealth sometimes its your needs of love, of how much space to give you or how you want to be reminded they love you.
You also deserve someone that respects you.
This maybe the most important thing for anyone to understand. Respect carries a lot of weight in a relationship like trust. Respect is someone that understand what you want, your needs and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. They don’t lie, betray or cheat. They know what you deserve and to the best of their ability they try to provide that. They don’t use you for physical relationship but a mix of love and kindness.
You deserve someone that takes responsibility for all their actions in their life.
We all make mistakes, making mistakes it part of growing up to be the person we are now. But you deserve someone that understands their mistakes and takes responsibility and corrective action to fix them. As woman we let things slide so much but when we do that it continues to happen over and over again. You deserve someone mature enough to fix it even through the hard times.
I know it’s so easy for me to say what you deserve and what not to settle for. But like I said each of us have our own standards and you should stick to those. I know more than a lot of people how easy it is to slip away from those things because you have your moments of believing someone can be more because you love them. It is okay to walk away from things that seem wonderful but really aren’t.
One thing when learning what you deserve is honestly learning your own worth. That is the biggest thing. You can not understand what you deserve until you know your own worth. We settle for less because we think that’s all we deserve, so untrue you deserve everything you want and more. Sometimes you may have to wait longer for that guy to come along, but in reality I would rather have that then settle for a jerk that treats me ‘okay’.
Just remember you deserve everything you have every wanted. Relationships are about compromise but it is also important to remember what you deserve.