Written by Contributing Writer Layla McKinley
Plenty of women my age are dreaming of getting hitched. Some are in long term relationships just awaiting the proposal. Even though there are a good amount of women that are single like me, I feel the large majority of women my age are looking to find a partner and oogling over that dream ring they may get one day. But after I’ve seen my friends go on countless dates, experience let downs, immature men and the list goes on- I have decided to say screw the idea of looking for someone to put a ring on it.
I am not saying that because I am jaded, that I am tired of dating or am a man-hater. I say it because I have seen so many of my good friends get their feelings hurt or torn down because relationships haven’t worked out for them. So they continue and continue and continue to look for love. They do anything from using multiple dating sites, going out on dates with people they just met or giving their numbers out to random scalawag dudes at the bar, searching high and low all in hopes of finding the one. Don’t get me wrong, I think love is great and all but I just don’t see the point in forcing the issue by using a thousand modalities to find it.
I have stopped looking and vow to buy myself that gorgeous ring instead of waiting for someone to want to put it on my finger for me and I will tell you why:
I don’t want to get married or be in a relationship just because it is a milestone
I feel like so many people feel obligated to get married or settle down because that’s what 20 and 30-somethings do. Well not me. Society has said that is what we are supposed to do. Find yourself a man, wrangle him up and settle him down. Screw that! I am not going to try to find someone just because I am “supposed” to. I don’t have this impending need to be with someone just because it is everyone else’s expectations for people my age. Since when do I do what everyone else wants or expects for me?
I can buy my own damn ring
I have worked hard enough in my life and am financially able to buy myself a ring. A shiny carat or two atop my finger is nothing to tempt me into settling down. Can you remember a time when someone got engaged and the girl didn’t post about 30 pictures from various angles of her ring on Facebook or shove it in your face when you saw her in person? I get it. It’s exciting but the ring has become this huge deal. It literally seems like dangling a carrot in front of a bunny rabbit. But I am not biting. I am a self made woman who can buy her own bling if and when she wants it.
I don’t need someone to feel complete
From the persistent daters and the recently broken hearted, people are constantly looking to fill a void. They forget the only one who can fix them or fill that void is themselves. They need to discover what makes them happy and what doesn’t. They need to figure out their dreams and chase them. They need to be whole before pursuing someone else. They need to be complete and happy with themselves, ALONE before they can be happy with someone else. How can anyone expect another person to complete them? People look to relationships or marriage to make that happen.
I refuse to settle
I know what I want in a person and in a relationship and I refuse to settle for less. If something is bugging me in a relationship, I say it or address it with my partner. If that pushes them away, sucks to suck. The right person will be willing to compromise with me and make it work. I will not seek out a person and try to mold them to be who I want and I am certainly not willing to seek somebody out who wants to completely rearrange who I am. Compromise and personal growth is one thing. Molding and completely changing people is another. Why seek it out just to try to make a square peg fit into a round hole?
I am not in control
In some aspects I am not in control of my love life. I don’t know who I will meet tomorrow. But I have faith in God that he will bring the people that are meant to be in my life, into my life when they are supposed to be there. Me trying to find someone will not speed that process up. In fact, I argue that trying to bring more people in my life that may not be meant to be there, will actually screw things up. I can control who I push out the door but I can’t control if the love of my life shows up at my door step tomorrow or in 20 years so why seek it?
So in the meantime, while God is working his magic, I am going to marry myself. I want a ring just like everyone else, so I’ll buy it. But it will serve as a symbol just like in a marriage. I am devoted to myself. I promise to continue to push myself to the next level. I promise to love myself and to respect myself and I promise to have faith that when the time is right, it’ll happen.
In the meantime, I’m not sweating it. I make myself happy and I love myself. I am achieving my goals and living a life that I love. I don’t need anyone else to make that happen for me. I complete me and that’s all I need.