Written By Contributor Writer Kayla Dusing
My view on love is just the opposite of cynical. Although I am not a hopeless romantic, nor do I believe in prince charmings and fairy tale endings, I see love in a positive spotlight. Being the daughter of divorced parents it’s probably surprising to most people that I’m not swinging a battle ax through every Valentine’s Day or every sappy quote about love I see on Pinterest. I have come a long way from believing that love is all garbage to the person I am now; someone who very much believes wholeheartedly in love. Therefore, I want to share my view on love and, although I am new to the concept of love, I think I may have some knowledge worth sharing.
I met my current boyfriend the second month of my freshmen year of college. I know everyone tells you not to date your freshmen year because it’s not cool or something, but I’ve never followed the norm anyways. We started dating a week after we met, and maybe it seemed too fast for some, but we immediately fell for each other. So, whilst a lot of other girls in my dorm were looking for their perfect sugar daddy, I fell in love with one of the first guys I’d met. I get why many girls go for sugar daddies, college is expensive! Plus, the companionship is great too but we seemed to fit each other like a puzzle, and things only took off from there. I didn’t want to look for anything else. Here we are, two years later, and I wouldn’t change anything even if given the chance. Sure, I think about what if I had joined the infamous dating style of millennials; finding dates on phone apps and dancing with guys at random parties, but that isn’t my lifestyle. I’m very happy being in the relationship I am in now, and that’s what has inspired me to change my views on marriage, believe in soul mates, and see love positively.
Some things are easy
To me, love doesn’t have to be hard. I understand that life throws you curve balls that can test your relationship, but the foundation of your relationship shouldn’t be hard. Like Marshall Eriksen said in How I Met Your Mother when he is giving advice to his soon-to-be-wed friend:
“Being a couple is hard. And committing, making sacrifices it’s hard. But if it’s with the right person, it’s easy.”
There has to be some aspect of your relationship that is easy. And if looking at your partner makes you annoyed or bothered, then they’re not the one.
Love is not unattainable
Many friends I have in college tell me that they’re going to be forever alone, or that finding a good guy is like waiting for pigs to fly. But love is not unattainable. Most times, I find that the girls that complain to me about how they can’t find a good guy is because they’re looking in the wrong places. Your next boyfriend is not waiting for you at a frat party, and he’s most definitely not going to be that on-again off-again guy that you “sort of have a thing with, but aren’t really sure.” Those are the guys that are not looking to be in a relationship, so why waste your time trying to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with anyone? You can’t force someone to want to be in a serious relationship, so it’s up to you to know when the time is right to move on.
Love is a choice
Love is indeed a feeling, but it is also a choice. You choose to love the person you marry, just as you choose who your friends are. You don’t choose to love people who put you down. I believe that love is a feeling in the beginning, but over time it also becomes a choice. You wake up every day choosing to love the person you’re with. It’s the same way that some people realize that they no longer love their significant other. Obviously, I love my boyfriend very much. But the extent of my feelings can lessen and deepen as time goes by and, to me, that is a choice.
Knowing the keys to a healthy relationship
Some of the most important keys to maintaining a healthy relationship is having trust in your partner. If you don’t trust your significant other, it’s already over. I can’t count how many times I hear girls complaining about someone being jealous, losing trust, and having fights over infidelity. You cannot have a stable relationship without trusting your significant other.
While sex isn’t everything in a relationship, having a compatible sex life is another key to a healthy relationship. I have dated guys in the past and our sex lives just weren’t compatible so it didn’t work out. They were just too advanced for me, and that’s OK – everyone develops at different rates. If you’re pretty vanilla in the bedroom, you probably don’t want to be with someone who wants to push the limits. On the switch side, if you’re, for example, submissive and want to serve your partner, wear an eternity collar, etc. then you need to find someone who is comfortable doing this with you. It’s tricky but an important aspect to any relationship.
I also believe that without having good communication, you cannot have a healthy relationship. Being able to talk about things in a civil manner, and discuss a situation that bothers you is going to strengthen your relationship. The disagreements that couples can have don’t have to be blown out of proportion and made into an argument. You should be having talks with your significant other about things that bother you. Not yelling at one another hoping that a fight will solve your problem.
Maintain your independence
Finally, I believe that the best thing about being in a relationship is being able to maintain your independence. I think that plenty of people my age think that you somehow have to give up your independence when you enter a new relationship. For me, that is not the case at all. Being in a relationship is the combination of two independent people. There’s no reason to believe that you are suddenly becoming dependent on someone; you are in charge of yourself and who you depend on. I think the thing that makes my relationship work so well is our ability to be independent. We have our separate friends. We have our separate interests. We are our own selves. Yet, we have many things we share that make up our relationship. I am a firm believer that you can be independent in a relationship, and to me, it is the most important aspect of having a partner.