You wouldn’t think that writing about your daily life would be so difficult. I think it has something to do with the vulnerability, putting yourself out there. You don’t want someone to read your words wrong, you don’t want to come across as lazy, or as having ‘problems’ (however that word is defined). But yet someone out there is going through dang near the same journey that I am. And if that ONE person reads this and says ‘I FEEL YOU’, then I have done my job, putting myself out there was worth it.
A little background- 29 years old, working full time for a multi-million dollar company in the Accounting department. Happily married to her first love for 7 years, 2 healthy kiddos 5 & 3. Always dressed pretty well, hair was debatable, but always presentable. And that smile and laugh- she could carry that laugh on for way longer than necessary. But inside, she was stuck. Who was Amy? Was she really the person inside that everyone loved? Not even close.
When I say I was ‘stuck’, I kind of mean that literally. As in, my butt was stuck to the couch forming imprints on the cushions. My husband worked nights – 7pm-7am. He would head to work, I would tuck the kids into bed around 7, and within ½ hour or so I would be fast asleep. Yep, 29 and sleeping by 8pm. No, I didn’t need that early bed time in order to get up and work out, or to meal prep, or cook my kids a full on breakfast. I was in such a slump that I would go for 10ish hours of sleep. I wasn’t leaving the house besides taking my kids to either my mom’s or my in-laws. The days I was alone I would just binge on junk food and scroll Pinterest while Netflix kept asking me if I wanted to ‘Continue watching Gilmore Girls?’
One of those Saturdays I was mindlessly scrolling through Facebook and a shirt caught my eye. It read
‘I AM: Strong, Focused, Motivated, Intelligent Oh, and Beautiful’
Those words stopped me my scroll. They made me think. Am I any of those things? If I’m not, what is stopping me from becoming them? What is holding me back? Myself. I was holding myself back.
So I stopped and I did something. I clicked the link that lead me to Self Love Beauty, where words jumped at my face ‘Apply to become an Ambassador!’ Hm, an ambassador. Requirements were to share the mission of empowering others, I think I could handle that.
Not to be a total drama queen, but the day I received the ‘Welcome to the Self Love Beauty Ambassador Group’ email – my life changed. It was my first step in taking care of me. To bringing the old Amy back- the one that everyone knew and loved….except for myself.
My journey started in August of 2017, but it hasn’t been all bubble baths and manicures. Oh no, a few months were flat out hell. A stressful month at work, a change in my husband’s work schedule, and some health issues and I was right back where I had started. Then, once again something clicked. I realized that I wasn’t taking care of myself again. The state of misery I was in was caused by myself. I changed my eating habits to help my health and everything kind of fell into place from there. I was happy, I had energy, my relationship with my husband was at a high point, I wasn’t yelling at my kids everyday! (Amen to that!)
Fast forward a few months and something hard hit me personally. I needed to be strong for others while I was dealing with pain myself. And I could. I WAS strong because I had taken the previous months building myself up. I was able to offer help and guidance to people who needed it more than I did. I realized my place in the world. God had put me through the past year building me up for that moment. People had been brought into my life to help me get through those moments.
It may take time, but you will find your place. It will click. No journey is the same, and that is the beauty of it. That we can all take bits and pieces from each other’s stories and kind of form our own. In the meantime, keep loving you. Keep your chin up and power through those tough days. Your time will come, I promise.