As you get older, you sift through all of your memories from your childhood and you start to ask yourself questions. Why did I feel so unwanted? Why did I struggle to fit in? When did the roots form that insecurity that still pops up in my marriage today?
I grew up in an amazing home with supportive parents. I rode horses competitively from age 6 (okay, not that competitive) to age 18. It didn’t matter what color ribbon or championship title I won, I was NEVER satisfied. I could always find something wrong with my performance. I never learned that my best effort should always be enough. I have no gauge for what success was.
As long as I can remember, I struggled in school. I wrapped my mind around, you are either “smart” or you’re “not”. I eventually put myself in the “not” category and stopped trying. I can confidently say, I never gave it 100%. I lacked organization skills, study habits and the understanding that it’s not how smart you are, it’s how much effort you put forward that matters. But at the time, I wasn’t taught those lessons, I was put in tutoring classes that made me feel worse about myself and put on ADD medications that labeled and stamped me with what I already knew, I wasn’t smart enough. I believed this so deeply I never studied for the SAT’s like my friends because that test was for smart people. My parents had even said to me, “College isn’t for everyone, you can do something else”, so the roots grew deeper and deeper.
Over a decade of practice of being in a fixed mindset is a lot of work to undo. I remember the defining moment with tears streaming down my face as I prayed to God, “Is this my life? Is this what you made me for?” And it was then that I decided, I might not be good, but what do I have to lose? I applied to a private college and got in! I learned organizational skills and healthy study habits that made me realize, smart people are just people who try.
After graduating with my Bachelor’s degree in Sports Medicine, it’s my passion to use fitness as my mode to reach young girls and women who never learned the truth about themselves. That they are enough, that they are smart, that they were created for a purpose and that if they want something, it all starts with trying.
“Become the woman you needed as a girl.”
Our #RiseToConfidence Campaign is about giving women the opportunity to anonymously share their experience of losing confidence and feeling down because of others in their lives and how they rose above it. With each story, we hope to increase female empowerment and positive leadership in a respectful, impactful and influential way!
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