Do you ever get the feeling that you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing?

In my last article we talked about self-love and one powerful way to execute it daily. It’s a bit scary when you are talking about accountability, let alone your own accountability.

So, what’s next? Where do you go from here? What do you do when you start to the process of looking in the mirror and loving the person that is staring back at you?

I sit down with a fresh set of eyes, set upon a quest for the ultimate self-love truth because I am currently in the same boat as a lot of people out there. I am young, I have a good group of friends, I am in a long-term relationship, I have a career, but am I truly happy? Could this particular career be the root cause of my self-depreciation? Am I simply feeling a plateau in my relationships? I decided to make a pros and cons list to help through what was actual fact, versus what was in my head.

When I start the list I think there are four categories to start with: Friends, Relationship, Career and Passion.


Over the course of time, we all learn who we want to surround ourselves with. We all eventually see who is going to be there and who is not. If you haven’t started doing this, my suggestion would be to start. For me, I have weeded out the bad ones and kept the good ones however as things change in my life, I continue to do the pros and cons to see who I should continue to keep in my life; the people that will help me grow.

Reliable/dependable (for serious situations), trustworthy, funny, and kind.

Negligent to time (make a plan, doesn’t follow through) and unorganized.

So what does your list look like? Do you have more pro friends than cons? The people that are continuing to lift you up instead of bring you down?


Most of us have had at least one relationship, some of us have had multiple and others may have had that same relationship up until now. However, in any position you have been in, you start to be able to put together the pro and con list of what you need out of a relationship. Yours pros and cons may be a little different than mine but then again it is your list so make it fit you!

Knows me well, funny, thoughtful, trustworthy, reliable/dependable, kind.

White lies, no urgency.

If you are in a relationship right now and the cons out weigh the pros, think about it. If you are starting a relationship make a list so that through the process you see if the person really fits into your life. And if you are single, use this list to know what you want.


Some of us are starting out our careers, others have been in it for a long time and some of us are starting one. Wow, look at the different types of levels everyone is at! Making a list to see if the career you have fits you or not is a huge part!

Sustainable, longevity, comfortability

Long hours, expected flexibility – but actual is minimal, overloaded, devalued.

Yikes. I personally know this is a category that I am currently evaluating thoroughly. I have spent quite a bit of years in my current career path, starting when I was twenty years old. I will have to look into this category more, possibly coming up with an alternate game plan, or better yet, a total career change.


This category is such an important one. Do you even know what you’re passionate about? For me, even as recently as last year, I had all but given up on my passions. I opted to settle in to a long term working life. I soon realized that coping with that decision, I had stopped listening to music almost all together, stopped singing, and more importantly, stopped writing.

Writing – creative freedom, imaginative, freeing, adaptable, courageous, leading to experiences – people and places.

Overwhelming, seemingly impossible, many steps.

For me, my ultimate passion is writing. I love to story tell, selling a novel of my experiences to anyone who will listen. Writing goes hand-in-hand with singing, which goes hand-in-hand with music. Once I realized that the stress of my everyday life had prevented me from even turning on the radio, I took immediate action. Now, you can’t go a single hour without some song playing around me.

What To Do Now!

So what have you learned with your pros and cons list? Remember to be honest with yourself. There are many ways one can up their level of self-love and this is one of them! Take your time, it doesn’t have to be all in one sitting. Really think about the four categories and put your heart down on the paper. You might be surprised by what you find.