Recently, Jane Wyker guest blogged on our site. She is a wonderful writer who I truly admire. A while ago, I was doing some searching of my own to find books to help me in life and I came across hers. Immediately I knew I needed to read it and interview Jane.
And I did just that.
Soul Selfish taught me how being the good girl all the time, doesn’t embrace who you really are. You continue to please everyone else making your opinion, your needs matter second. It was a great reminder to start now in that journey and not wait.
Check out my interview with Jane below:
1. Tell us about your debut book, Soul Selfish: The Awakening of a “Good Girl.”
It has lived in me a long time. I started writing it in Feb ’14 and finished it in April of ’16. I wrote every day for 3-4 hours without fail. If I didn’t it would wake me up in the middle of the night. It was like caring for a baby that needed attention daily. I wanted to share the enormity of the value I derived from exploring my inner life. My life of emotion, beliefs. My inhibitions and dreams. Surprisingly that led me to my spiritual life and soul.
2. What inspired you to write Soul Selfish?
I had an emotionally painful childhood followed by an emotionally painful first marriage. As I sourced and released my pain, I felt lighter. Creative answers began to come to me. It was like clouds parting, allowing slight rays of sunshine. The process was fascinating and relieving and I wanted that for every one. I came to see early on that life is and inside out process, and that the answers lie within. I wanted to share that insight with as many people as possible. I would like them to experience the same freedom and happiness that I have earned through facing my inner blocks, which gradually led me to my soul.
3. What does it mean to be soul selfish and why is it so important?
Soul Selfish is another term for self – love. I think that love is the most important thing in life. The first step is to know the person we authentically are which his different from the person our families and culture might have expected us to be. Until we let go of that which is not truly ourselves, we cannot love ourselves nor feel truly loved by anyone else, for on some level we know that we are not authentic. I have yet to meet a person who does not suffer with emotional, sexual or spiritual pain from the teachings they received in their early lives. Our level of happiness is a reliable indicator of our authenticity.
4. What are the steps you took to become soul selfish?
It is a 46-year on-going journey, starting with encounter groups in the ‘60s followed by many therapeutic modalities – Bioenergetics, Jungian psychology, EST, The Path, Insight Training, Life Spring, meditation, attending Unity services with Eric Butterworth, Bhagwan Rajneesh and more. With each step I released old beliefs and stored pain anger and fear, and little by little with the help of a spiritual life and meditation in which I met my Guides, I felt myself healing, becoming more and more at one with myself. More and more at peace. More and more willing to take steps even though they felt scary.
5. In Soul Selfish you share many stories about your 46-year-long inner journey that ultimately lead to the understanding of being selfish for your soul. What do you do every day to ensure you are taking care of your true self?
I take care of my body: exercise, diet, and beauty. Beauty is important to my happiness, both personally and in my surroundings. I connect with nature. I take alone time daily to listen to my inner voice, either in meditation and in peaceful times I give myself just to listen to my thoughts. I have come to discern which are my ego thoughts and which come from my soul. When I am not certain, I do not act. I allow my emotions to surface, do things that support that release such as listening to music that touches my heart. I make sure I have pleasure of some kind every day. Soul thoughts and activities feel good.
6. What does it mean to be a “good girl”?
A “good girl” is obedient to the needs of others. She faithfully fulfills those needs since her focus is on others who she sees as the source of her love. Until a person, man or woman, knows that love comes from spirit within themselves, she on some level enslaves herself to the needs of others in order to hopefully receive the love she yearns for. She loses touch with herself: her desires, feelings and value.
7. What were some of the personal demons you had to overcome on your inner journey that brought you to where you are today?
Self-denial – seeing my value in how others see me. Dependency. Superresponsibility to be certain others were pleased with me. Another was the inability to feel anger. Another was sexual repression. Not relating to my needs or desires, only to others; not asking for help, support or what I need. Not knowing what I needed. Not knowing my strengths or gifts discovering them late in my development.
8. What was the hardest part of your transition from being a “good girl” to being soul selfish?
My decision to divorce and break up my family. Knowing that this decision would bring pain to 5 other people who I loved as well as to myself. Yet I knew that the structure of my marriage was an unhealthy model for my children and a painful and depriving life for myself. If you’re wanting to do the same and finally start living life again that you feel your now unwanted marriage is restricting, you may want to get in touch with a law firm such as PETERS AND MAY.
9. What is the most important piece of advice you would give your 20-year-old self?
Look inside, know who you are. Trust your heart. Know your strengths. Know what it is you want to learn about yourself and life. Know what you enjoy, what feels good to you and follow it. Value what you bring to the party.
10.You’re a first time author at age 80. What advice do you have for women your age who feel like they’ve run out of time to chase their dreams?
No matter our age, the only time we ever have is NOW.
11. What made you realize that you were giving too much in your relationships?
I was unhappy and exhausted, always a good sign, worthy of attention. As in breathing, where we inhale and exhale in balance, I was on the exhale needing some oxygen. Needing to be given to, needing to give to myself.
12. How do you think your life would be different if you had become soul selfish an earlier age?
Oh so different! I would have known that love starts with me, that love is godly energy available to all, and I don’t have to work for it. I would have felt safe in myself, not needing anyone to take care of me. nor pay for that care emotionally. I would have listened within to what I enjoyed and pursued it. I would have felt beautiful much earlier in my life. I would have known when people were loving to me or when they were not.
13. What is the biggest thing you want your readers to take away from Soul Selfish?
Life is an inside out process. There is nothing more important than being at one with yourself, your God-given self to take care of, to express, to contribute, to share. Conformity to societal and family values often differ from our authentic expression. As dependent children, we conform to outer authority even when it conflicts with our essence. The journey is to travel inward to reclaim our own truth. There is nothing more important than being at one with your soul, where your happiness, talents and peace rest.
To learn more about Soul Selfish, visit www.janewyker.com. The book can be purchased on Amazon.com, here.