Living with a mental health condition such as depression can be exhausting. However, did you know that there a wide range of treatments out there that can make managing depression a little easier? For example, a friend of mine recently told me about transcranial magnetic stimulation. TMS is essentially a noninvasive procedure that uses magnetic fields to stimulate nerve cells in the brain to improve the symptoms of depression. You can learn more about this innovative treatment on the TMS & Brain Health website.
Today though, I would like to share with you, an intimate letter to my depression.
To: My Depression
You have nearly succeeded in taking everything I love away from me. You have brought me to my worst, convinced me of things that aren’t true, and killed my ability to do things I am passionate about. You have made me lose self control, face irrational thoughts, and forget what my true purpose in this life is. You are absolutely debilitating.
I’m not mad at you, however. Some days you are comforting. In the midst all of the instability you bring, you bring me something that remains – emptiness. This might sound crazy to someone else, but the one thing I know for sure is that you’ll be there in the morning. You’ll be the permanent guest in the back of my head, the ache I feel in my chest, the voice in my head telling me to stay in bed.
But it’s time that I face you, I deal with you, I conquer you. Because you’re not just changing my life, you’re affecting everyone around me. You’re affecting my performance. You’re affecting what I was born to do. I am exhausted from all of the baggage you bring, and it’s time to make a change.
I’m writing this letter to you because you are your own separate entity. You are a third party. Just because you live in the darkest parts of my mind does not make you a part of me. The person I have fought so hard to become does not deserve the pain you bring.
Although I know I won’t be saying goodbye forever, and there will be days where you will win the battle briefly, you’re not going to win this fight. I’m not giving you my life. I have not come this far to only come this far. In the process of my healing I will have to fight hard, and it’s a battle that will be renewed each morning. It’s one I am ready for. I will do whatever it takes become the healthy me I once was.
I will see you on the other side of this, I promise.
Myself (without you)