Sometimes there are stories in your life that you hold close to your chest, unwilling to share with others because the thought of having to relive a terrible moment again seems unbearable. However, there is something very profound and beautiful about storytelling. It release feelings, it allows you to be set free and it helps others people…so here we go.
My whole life I have been surrounded by positive women and men but I also have had my fair share of women who have completely shut me down, made me feel isolated and unwanted and have down right hurt me. I bet you all can agree. We always let the negative women in our lives take control instead of realizing our own worth and the positive people around us. That is what I did in a instance that happened 10 months ago. It was one I will never forget because I had an anxiety take for the first time in 6 years.
I was working on a project for work and was working with a good amount of men and women. We had a rush job so I called a women in my department for some guidance and to make her aware because it was her management who needed it. She explained to me that she didn’t have time to help and that it was an action I needed to handle…so I did. With the rush came many pieces that I did truly feel uncomfortable with but didn’t speak up about. I went ahead with the rush. One day later this women’s leader who also was a women, disagreed with the rush job after it was approved and out there, sent many nasty emails out demanding to know what happened. Instead of the woman having my back or the teams, she simple through the team under the bus, made a big issues out of it and therefore caused many moments of me feeling unconfident. The worst part is, I woke up to all of this, 5am in the morning to emails filling my inbox and tears streaming down my face. I instantly went into an attack and was not looking forward to going into work…as you can imagine. Two women in power against me… it didn’t matter what I had to say it wasn’t going to go well.
After a long period of time that day, I put my big girl pants on and sent an email to the VP apologizing myself for my action and guess what I never hear back from her. I also then set up time with the other women to talk through the issue…only for her to decline and talk to my boss instead behind my back. Women have been fighting to be in leadership roles for years and it broke my heart to see two women completely degrade me while all the men were helping me learn from the lesson. We put so much pressure on men that we do not see that us women need to step it up too. We wonder why the next generation of women are still lacking confidence, here is example of why and we have to stop this continuous thread. Instead of tearing each other down we should be lifting each other up.
These women taught me many valuable lessons:
– Do not forget whenever an error is made, there is a HUMAN BEING on the other side. Someone with a heart, emotions and skills.
– If you have an issue with someone, call them directly or set up time with them to talk through the problem. Do not blast their name nor the problem.
– You have no idea the battle someone is fighting
– Put people first and the tactical items second
– Learn from your mistakes
– Forgive but do not allow someone to make you feel that way again
– Help the next woman in line
– Stand up for yourself
– Do not let the story happen again to someone else
To this day, even remotely thinking of the way they made me feel is hurtful. While they broke my spirits that day, they did not break them forever. I learned many lessons including that I NEVER want a young girl to feel the way I felt. There is a very different way to handle situations and provide feedback in a boss lady way. I hope to this day another girl never feels that way I did and if they do, here is what I want you to know:
– You are not alone
– Mistakes do not define you
– You are brave, beautiful and kind
– These people are just part of your journey and are not suppose to stay longer than the lesson
– Use this as fire under your butt to grow to teach others the right way to handle stuff
– Always, always be kind.
To end… the fight may be over for this insist in my life but I won this battle because my spirits stand strong, I stand strong and I rose to have confidence in myself.
“Mistakes do not define you”
Our #RiseToConfidence Campaign is about giving women the opportunity to anonymously share their experience of losing confidence and feeling down because of others in their lives and how they rose above it. With each story, we hope to increase female empowerment and positive leadership in a respectful, impactful and influential way!
Each story is shared every Friday on our website and our social media channels. Check out more stories!
YOU can share your own story about rising to confidence! Fill out our SUBMISSION FORM! The deadline to submit your story will be November 1, 2019!